11 Reasons a Cat Should Sing at Your Birthday Party

So here it is: 11 reasons why a cat should sing at your next birthday party! 😉

Reason #1: My Cat Has Shown Himself to Have a Decent Singing Voice

So, why would I risk retribution by informing him that he can’t sing “Happy Birthday” when I throw myself a party down the road? My guests expect it. And he’s been rehearsing.

In fact, he beat out some hefty competition when he out-sang a bunch of street cats on A-meow-rican Idol. Rumor has it that he’s lined up an agent and is set to audition for a Meow Mix commercial in which he dances, too.

I have everything to gain and nothing to lose — especially since I’ll be charging him rent once he’s gainfully employed.

There’s another reason to encourage Tuna’s singing career. When hotties start throwing their favorite toys his way while caterwauling during his performances, I can re-sell them on Craig’s List, marketing them under the brand I’ll be creating once his fame starts to grow.

Who knew my shelter cat had this much potential?

Reason #2: I Made Him a Promise and I Never Go Back on My Offer to Let Him Sing

Have you ever had the equivalent of a snowball thrown at your head at 2 a.m. — a snowball that’s actually a poop ball coated in litter?

My first encounter of the litter box kind came the day I swore I would take him with me on a road trip and then left him home at the mercy of a cat sitter. Making promises to Tuna, it turns out, is not something he takes lightly and as a warning not to do it again, I returned home to find that he had left some souvenirs of his creativity leading from the front door to my bed.

I’ve got a hunch the only reason he didn’t bombard the bed has to do with the fact that he owns the real estate around the area that was once reserved for my feet.

Having survived that experience and promising I would never again go back on my word, I’ve got my integrity to worry about. A promise is a promise. A poop ball is a poop ball.

I’ll be saving a nice section of my birthday cake for Tuna and a bowl of milk to accompany his dessert just as soon as he finishes singing.

Reason #3: My Birthday Coincides with National Cat Day…

… so, singing at my party simply makes sense. I’ve no idea how he found out my password, but it seems Tuna’s nocturnal activities now include going online to visit sites like the one hosted by the National Public Radio affiliate KPCC in Southern California.

Having left a Post-it note bearing his pawprint on my keyboard, I used the link he left to get up to speed on hosting this year’s party and I think I exceeded even Tuna’s expectations when, in addition to human food, I served everything our guests wanted and needed: a selection of OTC drugs for those allergic to cats, decorated the room with yarn balls I would ultimately use to make an Afghan (or perhaps a Siamese) and a kitty litter cake served from a new litter.

Too much of a good thing? Apparently. But I knew that it was worth the effort the moment he finished signing Happy Birthday to me and got a standing ovation from guests.

I’ve already been informed by Tuna that he expects me to double down next year and has already begun to build his playlist.

By the way, National Cat Day is October 29th. Just saying! 😉

Video (1 of 2): the Jingle Cats

Reason #4: I Grew Weary of Telling People That My Cat Can Sing so I’ll Prove It

Ever try to convince a bunch of people that your cat is so talented, she is a true performance artist?

Inviting them to your home next time your birthday comes around gives you the chance to prove all of them wrong when you start the celebration with a performance of “Happy Birthday” by your feline diva.

Give her plenty of support, especially if this is to be her debut: No milky treats (clogs up the vocal cords) and no big meals leading up to the performance, unless you intend to make fur balls the party favor that keeps on giving.

Is formal wear required? That depends upon you and your budget, but you don’t want to schlepp down to Walmart, unless you want your cat to see herself coming and going. Your cat deserves an Etsy exclusive if she’s to stand out during her performance.

And don’t forget to call the local media to cover this event so the word spreads about her unique talent and your genius for bringing her voice to the world.

Reason #5: It’s My Birthday and I’ll Meow If I Want to

If your cat is sick and tired of solo performances and you’re eager to show off your harmonies, allow for plenty of rehearsal time so when the two of you debut your Birthday song duet, you’re prepared to awe everyone attending your party.

Rehearsing with a cat requires a special skill set that includes observation and vocalizing, so perhaps a visit to the Cat Duet (or see video below) can get you started on your road to success.

Watch the “Cat Choir” – the Only Word They Use Is Meow

It’s important not to criticize — especially if your kitty’s claws aren’t clipped as often as you would wish — and rest breaks are particularly important to keep up your stamina. What? You two don’t need an excuse to take a nap? On the day of the party, keep things low key so you are both fresh and ready for the moment it’s time to start singing.

Pampering can include a kitty massage, have a heart-to-heart talk (slow eye blinks, please) to calm and reassure her that the whipped cream topping on your birthday cake is properly allocated.

Reason #6: I Decide to Launch My Cat’s Singing Career on My Birthday

Having already spent more time than you care to mention rolling your eyes every time a friend brags about their mouser marvel, feline toy retriever, Animal Planet addict or acrobat, you’re willing to make the ultimate sacrifice by launching your cat’s singing career.

You’ve already applied due diligence to marketing preparations: You’ve made business cards for the cat, hired a photographer specializing in glamor photography, recorded her version of Happy Birthday at a local sound studio, set up a blog in her name and you’re putting up with the Twitter account you set up, despite the fact that she goes ballistic every time a Tweet sounds. Inviting anyone with connections to your birthday party is the hard part, but you can get them to show up if enough beer, wine and food are involved.

And don’t operate on the assumption that more is better. Less is more. Force guests to sit through an entire Gilbert and Sullivan opera after she’s led the set with Happy Birthday could be a downer.

Always leave them begging for more.

Reason #7: Today’s Trendiest Cat Influencers Are All Invited to My Party

It’s no secret that some cats are more famous than others, so when I told my cat that he really needed to put on his best Happy Birthday performance this time around because my guests are to be the trendiest felines on the planet, he sat up and took notice — literally.

To incentivize him, I even posted the guest list next to his Cat Café sign and added the number of followers each one has to either impress or terrorize him, depending upon his mood.

Any cat on the planet would be amazed to know that these prime time pussies will be on hand to join him when it comes time to sing Happy Birthday to me — oh, and I didn’t bother inviting cats whose follower numbers were lower than 1 million, which is why only Grumpy Cat (13M followers); Lil Bub (5M followers); Venus the Two-Face Cat (3M followers); Cole and Marmalade (3M followers); White Coffee Cat (2M followers); Didga (1M followers) and Pudge (1M followers) made the list.

Reason #8: My Cat Will Live Longer If He Sings at My Party

Just because my birthday makes the ideal excuse for a cat serenade, that doesn’t mean my cat is going to be content to do his thing only once a year. And as I get older, celebrating the passage of those years won’t necessarily make me feel like happy dancing as I blow out candles.

But having learned that music can help my cat live longer (and by association, me too), I’ve given him carte blanche to stand up and sing at all of my parties, though that Happy Birthday song is going to get relatively boring in a fairly short time.

To encourage him to expand his repertoire, I visited a local pet therapist and nailed some valuable advice. It seems Tuna isn’t going to sing a note if he disapproves of my taste in music, so guess who had to cull Bruno Mars, The Weekend and Ariana Grande from their playlist? I know what you’re thinking, but I noticed a major difference in his vocalizing once I ferreted out species-appropriate alternatives like Kitty Perry, Fur-gie and Mariah Hairy, and for heavens’ sake, take a lesson from our vocalizing sessions and turn down the volume.

That’s what I did just before my latest birthday party, and you wouldn’t believe how much more melodic Tuna’s voice sounded.

[amazon bestseller=”birthday party for cat” items=”1″ template=”table”]

Reason #9: My Cat Has Threatened to Commit Caticide If I Won’t Allow Him to Sing Happy Birthday

Who knew cats suffered from mood swings? Not me.

So, when I learned that my cat had taken the news that I turned down his offer to sing at my birthday party, all hell broke loose around here. I awakened to find him attempting to hang himself from his CatDancer wand, a strategy that never works when a cat weighs 20 pounds and the paw that balanced the stick sent it flying over the kitchen.

Undaunted, he tried eating the leaves of a pineapple I had left out on the kitchen counter, concluding that if poinsettia had a reputation for being poisonous, wouldn’t the top of a pineapple have the same effect? Like the cult film Harold and Maude, Tuna had one more trick up his sleeve: if I didn’t let him sing Happy Birthday at my party, he threatened to jump into the toilet bowl and flush. But you know that question, “Does my butt look big?” The answer is yes–so big, he would never leave the bowl.

I acquiesced and gave him the okay to sing at my party. Oh, and I started putting less litter into his box just in case death by litter seems an option down the road next time he makes threats.

Reason #10: My Cat Suffers from Anxiety and Allowing Him to Sing at My Birthday Is Just Good Medicine

How do I know that Tuna suffers from the mental disorder I thought was bi-polar until a professional diagnosed him with anxiety disorder?

The usual symptoms.

Using my new bathrobe as a scratching post.

Forcing me to up my apartment kitty deposit after maintenance staff had to replace my shredded window screen.

Oh, and finding Tuna on the balcony of my crazy downstairs neighbor at 3 a.m. (we live in a 15-story high rise) sent me scurrying to a cat behaviorist. Expecting to be handed a prescription for Prozac, I was shocked to be told that if I allowed Tuna to vocalize when he became uptight — especially when other people are around so he has a chance to exhibit his bravery — he stood a better chance of recovery.

No One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest experience for him. From that day, I brought him out to sing every time I had dinner guests. It’s true that a record number of people have begun to turn down my invitation, but they can’t ignore a birthday party invite, right? Tuna is to headline the evening.

Then I plan to ask all of my guests to join me in 100 Bottles of Milk on the Wall.

Reason #11: This Will Be My Last Birthday Party and I Want to Go out with a Bang

Before you start calling the police and suicide hotlines, I’ll have you know that women of a certain age have every right to declare a cease-fire on birthdays and this year I’m asserting my prerogative.

My intention is to throw the biggest bash money can buy and I’ve turned all of the arrangements over to the cat so I can feign surprise once I walk into my apartment only to confront a crowd — or at least friends who are still alive or haven’t retired to Belize.

Not only has Tuna offered to sing Happy Birthday, but he’s prepare an evening of song to entertain us including a surprise for me: He’s been working to become a cat rapper using this tutorial.

I’m thinking that everyone reading this is going to want to be on my invitation list, too.

Video (2 of 2): the Happy Birthday Cats